Recently, i have pondered much about my future; what do i want? what type of person am i? what should i do to prepare myself for what i want?

These are the questions i often see on flyers/email blasted out by NUS career centre, NUS entrepreneurship on a daily basis. I ignored them for two years. Not something nice eh, it’s not good to be ignorant of your own future. Well, I’m sure we all think about what we want once in awhile but rarely gives a serious thought about it, well at least for most of the people who still have long way to go before graduation (mainly refer to the people within my social circle).

I remember a quote by Steve Jobs, as he delivered his most famous speech at Stanford University Commencement few years ago, “Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish”. What he meant was that we should keep on searching for the thing that resonates with our heart and mind, the only way to do great things is to do what you love. If you haven’t found one, do not settle, keep searching. As inspiring and encouraging it may sound, yet it is not a particularly new formula to help one meet a successful life. In fact, our parents and friends have told us this since young. I am a devoted follower of this principle and from my point of view, it precedes many things in life. The satisfaction come from doing something great that you love is beyond what words can describe, an euphoria rush that keeps us moving on and striving hard to achieve our goal.

I’m glad to my life in university has helped me to fully understand my own personality, strengths and weaknesses, and more importantly, knowing what i want and where i belonged. When i choose Physics as my degree, it was simply because Physics was fun and rewarding. Indeed, I often do worry about my job prospect as the options for Physics graduates are relatively scarce compared to engineering. Nevertheless, over the years in Physics and KR, I have truly found what type of job I would like to embark on; analytical, challenging. Analytical skill is something I have developed as a Physics major since the process of learning Physics involved understanding of the highly abstract concepts and going through many rigorous mathematics. It is something I’m proud of. Challenging, why? I discovered this from my life in Kent Ridge Hall, especially after Rag. Challenging job means difficult problem solving, a lot of shits, but — big satisfaction. Rag was perhaps, the most challenging thing I had gone through in my entire life. Everyday I lived with intense pressure and dreading deadlines, and not to mention how many decisions I had to make every single day, and sometimes making a wrong decision can lead to very bad outcomes. But because of that, I grew more than what i had expected. Of course, that would not have been possible without the Raggers and Sushi supporting me. Currently, financial sector seems like a viable choice other than Physics field, as it involves some computational programming also, something which I’m really interested in. Nevertheless, I shall try to read up more about that, and keep my options open.

 

Krohanga @ Rag 2010

Krohanga, Buzzy Bee Factory for Manuka Honey. Represented New Zealand.

Zooming out.

It is important to do what you love to do. However, it may or may not necessarily is the best outcome for everyone and the economy may not be at its most efficient state if everyone opt to do what they “love”. Well, let me explain why. In this modern era, the younger generation is raised by the older generation, under the education system we created and hated, with one particular principle in mind, a dogma that indoctrinates millions of minds all over the world, that shaped our behavior and mindset-get a good education, study hard, then land a job as a white collar, good life, nice car, good pension . Period . The End. Yes, good education is undoubtedly important, statistics can easily prove it right, but perhaps the later part, where successful life can only be obtained through the “typical” career is skewed. Of course, we give them the choice to choose their career, we do not restrict them in certain sense. But wait, lets take a look at what kind of career we normally show them-engineers, doctors, lawyers, accountants. As such, our minds perceive what we love to do are very often, still limited to the typical career projected in our minds.

The substantial inadequacy of information about some of the most important jobs behind the driving force of our economy is hindering us from maximizing our human resources. These are the jobs you see on “Dirty Jobs” (Discovery Channel), jobs that our father, grandfather used to work on. These jobs, need no less expertise and knowledge than any engineering degree, and sometimes involve complex problem solving. These jobs are, car mechanic, plumber, electric technician and so on. My father started out as an electrical technician and he is an engineer general manager today, without any engineering degree. We know not everyone can become a great scientist or engineer, the same idea applies too in those technical jobs and etc, not everyone can become good car mechanic and chef. I always remember my mother always praised my uncle on his innovative and problem solving ability, despite he’s working only as a general technician (for almost everything). When we are promoting only those white collar jobs to the younger generation, we are selectively cutting down the human resource for non-white collar jobs as well. The next time your water pipe breaks down at home, the only person will answer to your call will no longer be the familiar hokkien speaking uncle you know already, but some jack-of-all-trade foreign worker, or worst, an Indian phone operator at Mumbai.

When was the last time you saw a public message telling your children to try on one of the jobs aforementioned. These jobs are as equally important as engineer, doctor, teacher. Today, those who are getting into technical institutions to learn these skills are often deemed to be, the “losers” of the social pyramid while we over-praise the young scholars how smart they are and how bright and pamper them with all the good things available in this world. I strongly believe, the people who are learning technical skills and perform reasonably well do deserve some recognition from the society as well. We should try to minimize the gaps between blue and white collar career that is expanding so fast already, the gap may never be truly closed due to the economic factor, but I am definitely not in favor of what’s happening now.

从前,有两只熊。一黑一白。

有一天,白熊生气黑熊因为黑熊欺负她。黑熊为了让白熊重现她那可爱的笑容,决定用尽一切方法去哄她。于是,黑熊就说:“白白,我骑motor载你去一个地方好吗?”白白很不心甘情愿地瞥了黑熊一眼,闹别扭不肯答应。但黑熊不管三七二十一就把白熊载走了。黑熊带白熊去了好几个地方,例如:五脚趾山,经过无毛路,“泰”山等等。但是白熊一路上还是摆臭脸,黑熊既沮丧又不善罢甘休,突然临机一动,叮!黑熊马上对白熊说:”走,我们去人面山!”白熊听了立刻哈哈大笑,怒气全消。就这样,白熊和黑熊又和好如初了,过着海屁力爱卫阿福特的生活。。。。。。

就这样,黑熊和白熊的故事之人面山就这样结束了。这个故事随着时间的流传,散播到世界的各个角落,当中不知笑死多少人呢!哈哈哈。。。

~~地恩~~

52, a number that hardly attracts any attention from anyone, including myself, tells far more stories than any other number that i have come across with so far.

52 days, we have been together with.

51 nights,we sleep through our dreams soundly because we knew someone will always be there for us.

50 promises, we made to each other and i broke half of them.

49 hugs, koala bear-like.

48 kisses, passionate and love- and saliva-ridden.

47 holding-hands count, with pinches and squeezing.

46 more to come.

I love you very much. I would dream of you every single day and night. I miss your hair scent, i miss your lovely voice, i miss your single-eyelid eyes, and i miss your occasional bites on my arm.

I noticed the vast amount of workload for hall life and nus academic life are starting to take a toll on me. I’m writing less and less. This is not in terms of amount, but more in terms of the soul and thinking i poured into each letter.

My friend passed me the latest edition of “Momentum”. An annual publication by the Physics Society that includes many essays written by my friends and seniors. The essays cover a wide range of topics, for instance, LHC, physics experiment, gravitational lensing, stereogram, big bang theory sitcom and etc. I have read them and the essays are really quite well-written. Nevertheless, it would be great if they had someone who have some knowledge in booklet design. I wonder sometimes if i should really give up the hall life and do something for our class. Our class is relatively small size as compared to other majors in the science faculty, therefore most of us are quite closely bonded together. I’m really happy about this because most people just come and go in their 4 years of NUS classroom life, especially in engineering faculty.

I want to share my experience with my modules and lecturers so far.

Quantum Mechanics II:

Professor Oh Choo Hiap is a . He started up the first lecturer with a very philosophical approach, presenting the physical laws with a different perspective that includes his own personal views. His long experience with life has definitely added some great insights in the way he lectures. He seems to be the kind of person who emphasizes on conceptual part of Quantum Mechanics. I’m deeply blessed with the rigorous training in the basics of Quantum Mechanics by Yeo Ye last semester. He has really prepared us well for the subsequent higher level Quantum Mechanics courses. I believe Quantum Mechanics II will be one of my favorite modules this semester, just might not be so easy to get an A.

SLEEPY LIAO DISCUSS ABOUT OTHER MODULES LATER K THXBAI.

Finally got together, we have.

I had a mixed feeling when she nodded upon what i asked. It was full of excitement, happiness, joy, ridiculous sense of unbelievable yet I felt an immediate sense of obligations and anxiety.

Obligations because I no longer responsible only for myself but for one more person.

Anxiety because I had never done this before and I want to cherish this relationship as much as I could, I have no absolute prior knowledge. It’s like the first time you drive a car, anxious, clumsy but excited. You have no knowledge but you know for sure you want to drive well, and perhaps drive the same car for as long as you can if it suits you well.

There are certain things I could not provide her with;the socially preferred age gap or physical dominance. The very basic things, anyone can offer easily. However, I only wish I can forever offer her protections through other options, other places. The protections for her heart and for her life, by any means.

I loved the warmth of her face in my palm. Or the other way round.

I loved the feeling her fingers interlocked with my fingers, and the way she tickled my hands. Or the other way round.

I loved putting her head on my lap, and rocking her like a baby. Or the other way round.

On the sixth day of January, I have finally told her. It was not the day I planned and not the time i thought.

It was looking at her, less than half a meter away from me that made me decided to tell her. It was looking into her eyes and knowing that I should tell her and never hide our feelings from each other anymore. It was looking at her and knowing that she cared about me.

We talked.

She told me everything and only then I realised I actually knew a lot less than I thought. However, it didn’t matter. She gave me the answer I hoped, dreamt, anticipated for months. Nevertheless, there are certain things that can only be resolved over some time. She believed it is still not a good time for the relationship to occur now. Despite I would very much want us to be together now… I never want the relationship to occur without a full mutual understanding and full willingness by both parties. If waiting is a test for me, then let it be…

I feel a lot more comfortable talking to her after that morning. I feel there is no more barrier of what i want to tell her. I feel we could walk together without the sense of awkwardness of possible rejection from her. Something that had haunted me for months is now gone, forever and ever.

But honestly speaking, I hope we can get together now…

I want to be able to hug and kiss her every night before she closes her eyes and sleep.

I want to hold her hands and feel the warmth of her fingers running through mine.

I want to say “I love you” everyday without having the second thought that she is still not my girl yet.

I want to go places that lovers go, things that lovers do, and snap photos of us with our cheeks glued to each other like “nian gao”.

All I need to do now is wait.

24 hours ago, the needle on my watch ticked to twelve and fireworks started to sprinkle all over the skies of Singapore. I could hear distant honking of the ships embarked at the port nearby KR. Apparently what master told us was true. The captains on the ships would sound their honk and the shipyard put up a beautiful yet short fireworks shows. I saw a couple of flares shot up high in the air that seemed to be those rescue flares used in the seas to attract attention from other people. The flares were really really bright and eye-catching, human inventions are really wonderful sometimes.

Every time we step into a new year.We would review what had they done in the previous year, how much had we achieved, and how far along are we to achieve those unmet goals. The first day of January is the day we take a short break for our mind and to keep ourselves away from the indulgence of the modern world, and immerse ourselves in the deep thoughts about our past and our future. As much as I would like to believe how important actual accomplishments like winning something, scoring high CAP, travel to somewhere or etc,  actually are, it is perhaps more meaningful to think of how much have our perception learned to change for a better view over the 12 months.

What are the most important things that i have learned last year? They might seem a little bit too short to be listed. However, I will always remember those things.

Friends, family and lover are gifts to you. Cherish this priveledge and enjoy it.

Being a good leader meaning being a critical, sharp, fast, broad, predictive thinker. There are certain attributes I could not name now, I will definitely add them in later.

Put your heart and mind into something and never be surprised how far you can achieve.

Very little things in life have restart buttons. Get things right and get things done, think more and more and more before you act.

Follow your hunch if there is no way to make a correct decision based on the information you have.

The level of embarrassment we can take increases linearly with our age.

People come and go. It is normal

If you never learn how to die, you haven’t learned how to live.

Ignore the new age beliefs. Stick to old school beliefs and faiths.

I think there are still certain things I could not recall on the spot…

The things I have accomplished in 2009.

Mastered LaTeX.

Touched Mathematica and Matlab.

Joined Rag. Built a big ass giant float. One of the most beautiful things I have ever seen in my life.

Scored above or at least first class honors for two semesters. I hit my goals.

Becoming a student leader in the hall and eventually brought myself to experience what busy really taste like.

Survived through sleepless nights for Rag and Academics and hurt my liver.

Traveled to Korea. Boring place and lousy food. Flame me, Koreans and korean drama fans. Snorkel for the first time in Pulau Payar. What the fuck have i been doing in the past? Snorkeling for the first time at 20 year old?

Bought a D90 and a new 22″ LCD not with my own money.

Liquor, beer, clubbing, supper and more supper.

Falling in love with her. (Wonder if that even counts as an accomplishment, falling in love is effortless)

Saw this in “How I Met Your Mother” Season 5 latest episode, Marshall read a letter to him written by the 15-year-old him many years ago. I thought this was cool, so i started it…

You had better be rich.

You had traveled to US and Europe.

You had no idea how it feels like to be a virgin anymore.

You had better be living in Penang and visit your family including your aunt, cousins, uncles on every weekend if you are living outside.

You had better found someone ideal to be your wife and you plan to propose to her in less than two years.

You have at least a car and a house.

You have a very very nice boss or

you are a very very nice boss.

You know what you are doing in your work.

You are well-respected in your field of work and your colleagues are jealous of you.

You love your family and occasionally spend lazy evenings with them watching pirated still TV series.

You know how a threesome feels like. (Okay, this is going overboard)

You know Malaysia is not going to become a high-income nation by next year.

You still game, and you can afford a super gaming pc with 20 cpu cores, 30 GB Ram with a SUPER SUPER High-Definition Gaming Resolution.

You still photograph, with a full frame Nikon camera and all the leet gears the pros could have.

You still adore Albert Einstein and Richard Feynman.

You still call or talk to your good friends in Rag.

You embrace Physics regardless of how minute your undergraduate academic training had actually contributed to your work right now.

You do not remember how Lagrangian and Shrodinger equation look like. If you do, you must be doing a post-doc!

The last one, you do not have a beer belly. You look fit enough for a half-marathon run. Please go jump off the rooftop if you feel extremely guilty once you read “…beer belly”. Kill yourself by injecting poison that ends your life in excruciating pain.

今天读了五个钟头的Macroeconomics,也不懂正在修物理的我拿了门经济学来干屁…兴趣吧。读了那么久,画了无数的IS-LM curve,头脑也开始昏昏了…心血来潮的我也来凑凑热闹,试写篇看起来还满趣的文章。

我想要重来的故事…实在是太多了…哈哈!

先从学业说起吧!

想重新再来:

我想在中学时,努力读书些,拿个奖学金,帮家人省下我的教育费。让他们可以轻松点,不必为生活奔波劳累…以前的学科如此简单,我又不是笨的,就是不去读,白白浪费了那些机会,哎呀…

还有,我以前应该努力修我的语文,特别是英文和华文。

我说呀,中学时期读的学科都没用,就除了语文科和数学…不知是哪个笨蛋和我说读科学不用语文好,我就那么浑浑噩噩地度过了五年的语文课。现在,写作是我在nus最大的障碍呀!我的英文还满烂的,写来写去都读不顺,语法错误层出不穷…我时常要写review paper 和 project report,写作欠佳还真不便,表达不了我的意见和看法。华文更不用说,来到了大学,除了和中国人和大马人说之外,用中文的机会是少之又少…6/10 的新加玻人都是讲英语的,听他们读华文报是我一生其中一个最难忘的东西,一个字!烂!

还好,我对写作渐渐培养出兴趣,希望以后可以进步然后写本书关于物理或我的兴趣!哈哈!

想重新再来:

我会把我浪费在打电脑游戏的时间,去学学烹饪,音乐,运动等等,去发掘一些意外潜能。看到我周围的家人,朋友,十个八个都是懂音乐,甚至连和我同住一楼的邻居们都是超厉害的,有这个念头还挺难免的。

想重新再来:

如果可以重来的话,我得勇敢些,脸皮厚些,大步大步地踏出去,好让自己去尝试更多不同的东西,接触更多的人,早点认识自己。

想重新再来:

学习关心家人多一点,逗妈妈和姐姐开心点,和教导妹妹多一点。

想重新再来:

发育高点。哈哈!他妈的矮我呀!

想重新再来的东西是永远都数不清的,让我们一起为未来加油!

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