Too beautiful to be true

My heart melted at 8.20 pm when i turn my head up and saw the way you looked at me.

Too beautiful,

Your eyes were.

Too elegant,

Your gesture was.

Too innocent and comforting,

Your voice was

“不好吃吗？”. A rather random, simple question you asked sparked the thousands thoughts of you in my mind, i swear i have never felt this way before. I wished I had a way to take a picture of how you stared at me this evening, it was a memory i forever will remember because nobody looked as beautiful as you. You have cheered me up more than enough these two days, silently.

The smell of your long, black and straight hair was like a natural fragrance. Sitting next to you watching the movie, I could not stop myself from getting closer to you, only to embrace myself with the gentle aroma that surround you along the mesmerizing and cheerful laughter that is constantly projected out from your lungs. I did not care much about the movie, let alone the terrible and overused plot, at least for me. Many glances, i placed onto your face, hoping that I could retain as much image as possible in my mind because seeing you is never often enough.

My heart ached when you told me about your sleeping issues. However, i was delighted that you were willing to share something like that with me. Could it mean that you trusted me ? I hoped so. I told myself, there will be no second thoughts for me to drag myself out of the bed and accompany you go through the sleepless, frustrated nights when insomnia hits you regardless of what awaits me next morning.

I wonder if you had realised the situation, if you had the same feeling as i do. Does Newton’s Third Law apply here? I hope the reaction force, in this case, would be something i have been looking forward to. An approval and acceptance.

A fair world

The world is unfair. There are people suffering from poverty, famine, violent abuse, sexual discrimination and any form of agony you can think of. But on the other side of the world, some people are well blessed, they get to enjoy all the good things in this world from the very beginning when they are brought to this world-good parental care, high quality education, safe and pleasant living environment and etc.

I start to wonder, what if all of us are born into an imaginary domain that everything is ensured with equal fairness. What would happen to either sides of the world?

Would the world be better off so?

Would this help to eradicate jealousy, hatred and all sins created due to inequity?

Or perhaps we would less cherish what we already have when any blessed life is taken for granted?

Or perhaps unfairness is created to remind us the extra priviledges given, serve not only for our own purposes, but to help and sympathize those in need with a sincere heart?

It seems that there is a lot of questions to ponder, with a lot more problems to be resolved. Who knows why, of all the possible social patterns, we unwittingly chose the one that appears to fit our world today?

Staring at nothing, writing something.

Here i am, staring into my LCD, sctratching my head for ideas yet frustrating over the report i need to write at 2:21 am. Suddenly i felt like writing something other than my academic report, but no topic comes into my mind. I just wanted to exercise my fingers on the keyboard, not my brain cells for some ultra super hard scientific academic report.

Sometimes, the way people develop their emotional feeling is interesting. I’ve just booked my ticket back home yesterday. 69 SGD. Right after paying for my ticket using my credit card, i felt a sudden surge of an uncomfortable feeling, a feeling that stricks me everytime i touch ground after exiting from an airplane. I was feeling home sick. Oh dear, it didn’t seem coming.

I couldn’t exactly describe the kind of feeling that i had. It wasn’t the miserable, depressing kind of homesickness but it was unusual. You just miss home, suddenly, out of nowhere, out of no reason. Just a simple payment of the airflight ticket, triggered that. Human emotional feeling is random. I guess that’s what made pscyhology major so popular now. Anyway, i have finally finished my last lab for my sps project. A long project, a lot of bumps, and many problems encountered. I don’t feel like talking about it here, it simply reminds me of the many unpleasant experiences i had with the project especially during the early stage. It got better later and now, i’m writing a final report for that. I hope it will go smoothly and get a decent grade for it. I don’t expect a very good grade, but still, i will hope for a grade that at least can help me to maintain my CAP.

Second year physics is tough, a lot tougher but amazingly, i enjoy most of what i’m learning now. The extra depth of the subjects and the beauty of mathematics simply astonished me everytime i flipped over a new chapter, be it on Quantum Mechanics or Classical Mechanics. The knowledge is vast, really vast and many concepts are intelligently developed, creatively created by the brilliant physicists or mathematicians in the past. I don’t know what can limit the power of a human brain. I really love the higher level physics but i hope i can devote more time for it, there is so much more that i need to learn on my own, so much more that the lecturer cannot even cover half of what there is.

I hope i will do fine in the two modules. The competition is fierce, the material is tough but i will survive through them. I’m not the extra super smart kind of person, even though i’m pretty much surrounded by all these people, but i’m not weak either. Hopefully my hardwork, and some luck will help me to get good results this semester again. If i can maintain what i did last semester, First Class Honours can be possible for me, even though i never really thought it was possible. Second Upper will suffice.

Developing my reading habit

Yes, I have been trying very hard to force myself to stick to my reading habit and it seemed to be going fine right now. I have just finished reading a book “Five people you meet in heaven” . The presentation of the story was intelligently delivered, the content was heart-warming, and the languange was simple yet beautiful enough to capture the attention of the readers. Nevertheless, I feel some parts in the book can be longer, it seemed a little bit too abrupt for some chapters.

It was a good read, but now I’m craving more something more tangible, something more intellectual. Yet intellectual books require a lot of concentration and time to understand the argument, which I’m lacking of now. Hopefully I’ll be able to finish another book before the semester ends using that petty 20-30 minutes pre-sleeping time everyday.

Happy birthday to Wan Ting

Happy birthday to Wan Ting!! She has just turned 20, time seems to pass pretty fast huh.

We went to Reddot Brewhouse last friday to celebrate her birthday with a group of friends. All of us know her very well, me, Jackie, Yu Ling, Lena, Ruth, Sharon, Sushi,Yi Wern and Edward, whom joined us in the later part of the dinner.

That night was the first time we prepared a birthday celebration for her, so nicely done that it was the first time i saw her so happy when we delivered her the cupcakes. Me and Sushi ordered the cupcakes two weeks ago at Orchard, where we got the material for the birthday card as well. The joy was apparent, she was never so happy. I could feel the gust of joy rushing out from her laughter especially when we gave her the birthday card,  beautifully crafted by sushi, sincerely signed by the all of us.

I think it was worth it, for us to spend so much time preparing for her birthday. I guess nothing else can be more valuable than seeing your friends enjoy the birthday party that you threw for them.

The good thing about the dinner? Friendship earned and appreciated. Birthday girl happy.

Bad side? It costed us 50 SGD per person for that dinner. Expensive shits.

Anyway, thanks for being my best girl buddy in KR. Thanks for bringing me up when i’m down and talk to me when i emo. It’s your big day. Enjoy.

Reaching my stress limit

My posts are getting more and more random. It’s ironic to write something like this while my previous post was so, endearing and lovely. I can hardly believe that i wrote that, myself.

I just could not handle so much at a time. It’s overwhelming and suffocating me out. The hall is exceptionally quiet tonight, I have not heard or seen anyone walking past my door. Well, this simply means another night for me to emo. You would not be reading this this if otherwise.

I know, it’s annoying to read about someone else’ frustration. It’s even worst when you see the person is telling you how much his/her workload is.  Therefore, i’ll leave you out with this.

Why am i so stressed out?

I want to excel in every aspect that I’m involved in.

I want to make up for what I have missed and correct the mistakes that I’ve done.

I feel that I have the responsibility to set things right.

I feel that I need to set a good example because of the trust that people have placed on my shoulders.

I need to always remind myself there is no second chance for certain things in our life. I always have the tendency to feel okay to miss certain things out, or to make certain mistakes in the past. That was not okay. I’m starting to understand certain words or quotes that I have come across with, in much greater depths. I’m starting to appreciate things that I have may ignored, or mistaken that it was trivial last time.

Nevertheless, all these are just parts of a process when you grow, mentally from the inner most layer of your thoughts. It is a process that subsequently change and affect what you may do in the next step. I’ll continue to work hard and endure the challenges ahead me.

Our first date

I had my first date with you, even you may not think in the same way i do.

The thoughts of you filled my mind the entire night before Tuesday. It has been a long time since i had such euphoria rush. I believed all these happened only to remind me that i have met the right,unique and the special one. And i’ll be seeing her in a couple of hours later.

I imagined hard how you would dress up. I hoped you will put on your nicest blouse with the flowery pattern that you always liked. You have always looked marvelous and beautiful in a blouse.  However, i knew that may not happen but i prayed anyway.

There came 2.15 pm on Tuesday, i was way better prepared than i should be. I put the book you want into my bag and looked into the mirror just to make sure that i do not look funny later. I walked solemnly and slowly to your block but my mind feels the opposite way from the way i walk. It was full of excitement, anxiety, anticipation, and a one way love.

This is the first time i can look into your eyes and talk to you personally. I do not have to be afraid of letting the people around me to find out how i feel towards you. Nobody knew the both of us this time. When both of us were holding the bar in the train, i wished that your hand will move lower so that i can touch it.

I’ll never forget the lovely feeling i had with you, and I only wish to preserve more of these memories only because I want to remember them, forever and ever.

A letter by Beethoven to his “Immortal Beloved”

My thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved

I can live only wholly with you or not at all-

Be calm my life, my all. Only by calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together. Oh continue to love me, never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.

Ever thine,

Ever mine,

Ever ours.

宵夜记

回到槟城，就是吃。

昨晚半夜1点左右，我姐就露出她那饥饿的面目表情， 眼睛盯着我们，用眼神暗示，以口气明示，是时候吃mamak了！天啊！她隔天还得6点早上起来出门到怡保去food hunt，真佩服了她那毅立不倒的吃工！我和妹就也抱着那半要半不要的心情出门了。

结果吃一顿宵夜就闹起了一系列的笑话，要不然我也不会写下来。

我们三人，一个穿着一件超宅的 T-shirt 加上白红线条的”妈眼通“， 一个从她弟弟的橱柜随意拿间超丑的白 T-shirt, 还有一个穿上人类服装的猪 （人身攻击）, 就冒冒然地驾车出去。我姐把大家带到家外附近的一间 Khaleel, 大家下车后选了张桌面上还满湿的桌子坐下，点了几个roti，三杯 teh panas, 粪啦！闲聊几分钟后，那个死笨蛋blanga（racist)真的还拿三杯没拉的 teh panas 过来，还和我们讲mamak shop got no more roti， 叫我们点其他的。哇劳，我们三个也一起显掉，哈哈就马上叫我妹去付那 teh panas（没喝完） 的三零吉，然后到别处吃。不过我姐当时没随身携带驾照，就得先回家拿东西了。

Fast forward, 拿完东西，车已驾到 Island Plaza 的对面，这时我们见到那间以milo冰出名的mamak店外的灯光暗淡，关闭了似。果然！没开！我们三人不约而同的高声叹气，大老远地来访，milo冰竟然不肯开门让我们喝！！！

没关系，槟城大把mamak，东家不吃，西家吃。我们乘着黑色的vios到Faces旁的Subaidah,天呀！也没开！开斋节效应！！

这时我妹提议到gurney hotel后的mamak, 我姐也相应地配合。路上我们也经过很多间餐馆，mr.pot, mcdonald等等…

回到重点，

发现Gurney hotel后面地mamak关闭。

我们三人同时一起初次感受到在槟城半夜没mamak吃的经验。芝屄!没关系，姐就驶到Pulau Tikus，也没mamak…天呀…这时我们三人一同商量，姐建议去青屋，太好的建议了！福建面，华人餐，肯定有开。

扭扭转转到了青屋。

关闭。卵葩啦!

算了，几经波折后，我们终于决定要去Mr.Pot吃，但我姐一直担心碰到熟人…因为她没有眉毛…哈哈女人爱美的本性。到了Mr.Pot, 小二捧了menu过来，我看menu上的食物还满多样式的，不错。点了几样菜，我们也开开心心地以为终于可以好好地享受我们的宵夜。就在我们点了完了菜，吃胀了肚子后，我和妹看见我姐以一股奇怪的眼神盯着我俩。她带不够钱。原以为只去mamak，所以她也没带那么多钱。我们三人战战兢兢地慢慢数着菜单上的价钱．．．超支了呀．．．

幸好，Mr.Pot有收信用卡．．．我们心头上的那里石头也给放下了。正是个有趣的宵夜记。懒了，下次再写。

Times gone by

Times gone by.

This is my fourth or fifth time, i can’t remember, coming back home from Singapore.

Penang has never disappointed me. It remained the peaceful, serene, and clean town like the day i first left this place for my tertiary education. I liked many things about Penang, and this place is unique.

Being a pure born and bred Penangite. I have to say this is the only place that has given me the priviledge to live my life in both the modern and old style . I can enjoy a bowl of delicious laksa in an ancient coffee house, sitting on a half-worn out wooden chair,  and drink a glass of iced milk tea served by the hokkien-speaking elderly and walk/drive to a nearby cinema within a couple of minutes.

The people are friendly, the local cuisine is special and i liked the way penangites speak our hokkien in our own accent. The use of hokkien resembles a sense of local identity which helps to preserves one small characteristic of Penang. Penangites carry their pride of penang with them everywhere they go. This pride is especially shown explicitly with words when we taste an overrated food overseas.

My mum picked me up at the airport and welcomed me with a bowl of home-cooked rice, plus an organic apple. It was a bowl of rice full of warmth, full of family love and tender. The taste of the food is accentuated along with my long departure from home during rag, it never tasted better.

The house hasn’t changed much. Home, is always the cleanliest and warmest shelter i can hide under. I might not have a perfect family but i’m definitely blessed with the a perfect home.

Watched “Sex and The City” movie with my best friend in hall yesterday. I appreciated what she did for me after what happened in the saturday morning, i feel lucky that i’ve made some really good friends in KR. This will make the 4 years of my uni life worthwhile.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne?

CHORUS:
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We’ll tak a cup of kindness yet,
For auld lang syne!

And surely ye’ll be your pint-stowp,
And surely I’ll be mine,
And we’ll tak a cup o kindness yet,
For auld lang syne!

We twa hae run about the braes,
And pou’d the gowans fine,
But we’ve wander’d monie a weary fit,
Sin auld lang syne.

We twa hae paidl’d in the burn
Frae morning sun till dine,
But seas between us braid hae roar’d
Sin auld lang syne.

And there’s a hand my trusty fiere,
And gie’s a hand o thine,
And we’ll tak a right guid-willie waught,
For auld lang syne

Source: http://www.hogmanay.net/history/auldlangsyne