A post written just to keep my blog more active

I noticed the vast amount of workload for hall life and nus academic life are starting to take a toll on me. I’m writing less and less. This is not in terms of amount, but more in terms of the soul and thinking i poured into each letter.

My friend passed me the latest edition of “Momentum”. An annual publication by the Physics Society that includes many essays written by my friends and seniors. The essays cover a wide range of topics, for instance, LHC, physics experiment, gravitational lensing, stereogram, big bang theory sitcom and etc. I have read them and the essays are really quite well-written. Nevertheless, it would be great if they had someone who have some knowledge in booklet design. I wonder sometimes if i should really give up the hall life and do something for our class. Our class is relatively small size as compared to other majors in the science faculty, therefore most of us are quite closely bonded together. I’m really happy about this because most people just come and go in their 4 years of NUS classroom life, especially in engineering faculty.

I want to share my experience with my modules and lecturers so far.

Quantum Mechanics II:

Professor Oh Choo Hiap is a . He started up the first lecturer with a very philosophical approach, presenting the physical laws with a different perspective that includes his own personal views. His long experience with life has definitely added some great insights in the way he lectures. He seems to be the kind of person who emphasizes on conceptual part of Quantum Mechanics. I’m deeply blessed with the rigorous training in the basics of Quantum Mechanics by Yeo Ye last semester. He has really prepared us well for the subsequent higher level Quantum Mechanics courses. I believe Quantum Mechanics II will be one of my favorite modules this semester, just might not be so easy to get an A.

SLEEPY LIAO DISCUSS ABOUT OTHER MODULES LATER K THXBAI.

On the 10th day of confession, 15th day of the year

Finally got together, we have.

I had a mixed feeling when she nodded upon what i asked. It was full of excitement, happiness, joy, ridiculous sense of unbelievable yet I felt an immediate sense of obligations and anxiety.

Obligations because I no longer responsible only for myself but for one more person.

Anxiety because I had never done this before and I want to cherish this relationship as much as I could, I have no absolute prior knowledge. It’s like the first time you drive a car, anxious, clumsy but excited. You have no knowledge but you know for sure you want to drive well, and perhaps drive the same car for as long as you can if it suits you well.

There are certain things I could not provide her with;the socially preferred age gap or physical dominance. The very basic things, anyone can offer easily. However, I only wish I can forever offer her protections through other options, other places. The protections for her heart and for her life, by any means.

I loved the warmth of her face in my palm. Or the other way round.

I loved the feeling her fingers interlocked with my fingers, and the way she tickled my hands. Or the other way round.

I loved putting her head on my lap, and rocking her like a baby. Or the other way round.

On the sixth day of January

On the sixth day of January, I have finally told her. It was not the day I planned and not the time i thought.

It was looking at her, less than half a meter away from me that made me decided to tell her. It was looking into her eyes and knowing that I should tell her and never hide our feelings from each other anymore. It was looking at her and knowing that she cared about me.

We talked.

She told me everything and only then I realised I actually knew a lot less than I thought. However, it didn’t matter. She gave me the answer I hoped, dreamt, anticipated for months. Nevertheless, there are certain things that can only be resolved over some time. She believed it is still not a good time for the relationship to occur now. Despite I would very much want us to be together now… I never want the relationship to occur without a full mutual understanding and full willingness by both parties. If waiting is a test for me, then let it be…

I feel a lot more comfortable talking to her after that morning. I feel there is no more barrier of what i want to tell her. I feel we could walk together without the sense of awkwardness of possible rejection from her. Something that had haunted me for months is now gone, forever and ever.

But honestly speaking, I hope we can get together now…

I want to be able to hug and kiss her every night before she closes her eyes and sleep.

I want to hold her hands and feel the warmth of her fingers running through mine.

I want to say “I love you” everyday without having the second thought that she is still not my girl yet.

I want to go places that lovers go, things that lovers do, and snap photos of us with our cheeks glued to each other like “nian gao”.

All I need to do now is wait.

Heading into 2010

24 hours ago, the needle on my watch ticked to twelve and fireworks started to sprinkle all over the skies of Singapore. I could hear distant honking of the ships embarked at the port nearby KR. Apparently what master told us was true. The captains on the ships would sound their honk and the shipyard put up a beautiful yet short fireworks shows. I saw a couple of flares shot up high in the air that seemed to be those rescue flares used in the seas to attract attention from other people. The flares were really really bright and eye-catching, human inventions are really wonderful sometimes.

Every time we step into a new year.We would review what had they done in the previous year, how much had we achieved, and how far along are we to achieve those unmet goals. The first day of January is the day we take a short break for our mind and to keep ourselves away from the indulgence of the modern world, and immerse ourselves in the deep thoughts about our past and our future. As much as I would like to believe how important actual accomplishments like winning something, scoring high CAP, travel to somewhere or etc,  actually are, it is perhaps more meaningful to think of how much have our perception learned to change for a better view over the 12 months.

What are the most important things that i have learned last year? They might seem a little bit too short to be listed. However, I will always remember those things.

Friends, family and lover are gifts to you. Cherish this priveledge and enjoy it.

Being a good leader meaning being a critical, sharp, fast, broad, predictive thinker. There are certain attributes I could not name now, I will definitely add them in later.

Put your heart and mind into something and never be surprised how far you can achieve.

Very little things in life have restart buttons. Get things right and get things done, think more and more and more before you act.

Follow your hunch if there is no way to make a correct decision based on the information you have.

The level of embarrassment we can take increases linearly with our age.

People come and go. It is normal

If you never learn how to die, you haven’t learned how to live.

Ignore the new age beliefs. Stick to old school beliefs and faiths.

I think there are still certain things I could not recall on the spot…

The things I have accomplished in 2009.

Mastered LaTeX.

Touched Mathematica and Matlab.

Joined Rag. Built a big ass giant float. One of the most beautiful things I have ever seen in my life.

Scored above or at least first class honors for two semesters. I hit my goals.

Becoming a student leader in the hall and eventually brought myself to experience what busy really taste like.

Survived through sleepless nights for Rag and Academics and hurt my liver.

Traveled to Korea. Boring place and lousy food. Flame me, Koreans and korean drama fans. Snorkel for the first time in Pulau Payar. What the fuck have i been doing in the past? Snorkeling for the first time at 20 year old?

Bought a D90 and a new 22″ LCD not with my own money.

Liquor, beer, clubbing, supper and more supper.

Falling in love with her. (Wonder if that even counts as an accomplishment, falling in love is effortless)

A letter to the 30-year-old me in 2019

Saw this in “How I Met Your Mother” Season 5 latest episode, Marshall read a letter to him written by the 15-year-old him many years ago. I thought this was cool, so i started it…

You had better be rich.

You had traveled to US and Europe.

You had no idea how it feels like to be a virgin anymore.

You had better be living in Penang and visit your family including your aunt, cousins, uncles on every weekend if you are living outside.

You had better found someone ideal to be your wife and you plan to propose to her in less than two years.

You have at least a car and a house.

You have a very very nice boss or

you are a very very nice boss.

You know what you are doing in your work.

You are well-respected in your field of work and your colleagues are jealous of you.

You love your family and occasionally spend lazy evenings with them watching pirated still TV series.

You know how a threesome feels like. (Okay, this is going overboard)

You know Malaysia is not going to become a high-income nation by next year.

You still game, and you can afford a super gaming pc with 20 cpu cores, 30 GB Ram with a SUPER SUPER High-Definition Gaming Resolution.

You still photograph, with a full frame Nikon camera and all the leet gears the pros could have.

You still adore Albert Einstein and Richard Feynman.

You still call or talk to your good friends in Rag.

You embrace Physics regardless of how minute your undergraduate academic training had actually contributed to your work right now.

You do not remember how Lagrangian and Shrodinger equation look like. If you do, you must be doing a post-doc!

The last one, you do not have a beer belly. You look fit enough for a half-marathon run. Please go jump off the rooftop if you feel extremely guilty once you read “…beer belly”. Kill yourself by injecting poison that ends your life in excruciating pain.

小秘密大公开 之 想重新再来の故事

今天读了五个钟头的Macroeconomics，也不懂正在修物理的我拿了门经济学来干屁…兴趣吧。读了那么久，画了无数的IS-LM curve,头脑也开始昏昏了…心血来潮的我也来凑凑热闹，试写篇看起来还满趣的文章。

我想要重来的故事…实在是太多了…哈哈！

先从学业说起吧！

想重新再来：

我想在中学时，努力读书些，拿个奖学金，帮家人省下我的教育费。让他们可以轻松点，不必为生活奔波劳累…以前的学科如此简单，我又不是笨的，就是不去读，白白浪费了那些机会，哎呀…

还有，我以前应该努力修我的语文，特别是英文和华文。

我说呀，中学时期读的学科都没用，就除了语文科和数学…不知是哪个笨蛋和我说读科学不用语文好，我就那么浑浑噩噩地度过了五年的语文课。现在,写作是我在nus最大的障碍呀！我的英文还满烂的，写来写去都读不顺，语法错误层出不穷…我时常要写review paper 和 project report，写作欠佳还真不便，表达不了我的意见和看法。华文更不用说，来到了大学，除了和中国人和大马人说之外，用中文的机会是少之又少…6/10 的新加玻人都是讲英语的，听他们读华文报是我一生其中一个最难忘的东西，一个字！烂！

还好，我对写作渐渐培养出兴趣，希望以后可以进步然后写本书关于物理或我的兴趣！哈哈！

想重新再来：

我会把我浪费在打电脑游戏的时间，去学学烹饪，音乐，运动等等，去发掘一些意外潜能。看到我周围的家人，朋友，十个八个都是懂音乐，甚至连和我同住一楼的邻居们都是超厉害的，有这个念头还挺难免的。

想重新再来：

如果可以重来的话，我得勇敢些，脸皮厚些，大步大步地踏出去，好让自己去尝试更多不同的东西，接触更多的人，早点认识自己。

想重新再来：

学习关心家人多一点，逗妈妈和姐姐开心点，和教导妹妹多一点。

想重新再来：

发育高点。哈哈！他妈的矮我呀！

想重新再来的东西是永远都数不清的，让我们一起为未来加油！

SP2172

Too beautiful to be true

My heart melted at 8.20 pm when i turn my head up and saw the way you looked at me.

Too beautiful,

Your eyes were.

Too elegant,

Your gesture was.

Too innocent and comforting,

Your voice was

“不好吃吗？”. A rather random, simple question you asked sparked the thousands thoughts in my mind, i swear i have never felt this way before. I wished I had a way to take a picture of how you stared at me this evening, it was a memory i forever will remember because nobody looked as beautiful as you. Silently and unknowingly, you have cheered me up more than enough these two days.

The smell of your long, black and straight hair was like a natural fragrance. Sitting next to you watching the movie, I could not stop myself from getting closer to you, only to embrace myself with the gentle aroma that surround you along the mesmerizing and cheerful laughter that is constantly projected out from your lungs. I did not care much about the movie, let alone the terrible and overused plot, at least for me. Many glances, i placed onto your face, hoping that I could retain as much image as possible in my mind because seeing you is never often enough.

My heart ached when you told me about your sleeping issues. However, i was delighted that you were willing to share something like that with me. Could it mean that you trusted me ? I hoped so. I told myself, there will be no second thoughts for me to drag myself out of the bed and accompany you go through the sleepless, frustrated nights when insomnia hits you regardless of what awaits me next morning.

I wonder if you had realised the situation, if you had the same feeling as i do. Does Newton’s Third Law apply here? I hope the reaction force, in this case, would be something i have been looking forward to. An approval and acceptance.

A fair world

The world is unfair. There are people suffering from poverty, famine, violent abuse, sexual discrimination and any form of agony you can think of. But on the other side of the world, some people are well blessed, they get to enjoy all the good things in this world from the very beginning when they are brought to this world-good parental care, high quality education, safe and pleasant living environment and etc.

I start to wonder, what if all of us are born into an imaginary domain that everything is ensured with equal fairness. What would happen to either sides of the world?

Would the world be better off so?

Would this help to eradicate jealousy, hatred and all sins created due to inequity?

Or perhaps we would less cherish what we already have when any blessed life is taken for granted?

Or perhaps unfairness is created to remind us the extra priviledges given, serve not only for our own purposes, but to help and sympathize those in need with a sincere heart?

It seems that there is a lot of questions to ponder, with a lot more problems to be resolved. Who knows why, of all the possible social patterns, we unwittingly chose the one that appears to fit our world today?

Staring at nothing, writing something.

Here i am, staring into my LCD, sctratching my head for ideas yet frustrating over the report i need to write at 2:21 am. Suddenly i felt like writing something other than my academic report, but no topic comes into my mind. I just wanted to exercise my fingers on the keyboard, not my brain cells for some ultra super hard scientific academic report.

Sometimes, the way people develop their emotional feeling is interesting. I’ve just booked my ticket back home yesterday. 69 SGD. Right after paying for my ticket using my credit card, i felt a sudden surge of an uncomfortable feeling, a feeling that stricks me everytime i touch ground after exiting from an airplane. I was feeling home sick. Oh dear, it didn’t seem coming.

I couldn’t exactly describe the kind of feeling that i had. It wasn’t the miserable, depressing kind of homesickness but it was unusual. You just miss home, suddenly, out of nowhere, out of no reason. Just a simple payment of the airflight ticket, triggered that. Human emotional feeling is random. I guess that’s what made pscyhology major so popular now. Anyway, i have finally finished my last lab for my sps project. A long project, a lot of bumps, and many problems encountered. I don’t feel like talking about it here, it simply reminds me of the many unpleasant experiences i had with the project especially during the early stage. It got better later and now, i’m writing a final report for that. I hope it will go smoothly and get a decent grade for it. I don’t expect a very good grade, but still, i will hope for a grade that at least can help me to maintain my CAP.

Second year physics is tough, a lot tougher but amazingly, i enjoy most of what i’m learning now. The extra depth of the subjects and the beauty of mathematics simply astonished me everytime i flipped over a new chapter, be it on Quantum Mechanics or Classical Mechanics. The knowledge is vast, really vast and many concepts are intelligently developed, creatively created by the brilliant physicists or mathematicians in the past. I don’t know what can limit the power of a human brain. I really love the higher level physics but i hope i can devote more time for it, there is so much more that i need to learn on my own, so much more that the lecturer cannot even cover half of what there is.

I hope i will do fine in the two modules. The competition is fierce, the material is tough but i will survive through them. I’m not the extra super smart kind of person, even though i’m pretty much surrounded by all these people, but i’m not weak either. Hopefully my hardwork, and some luck will help me to get good results this semester again. If i can maintain what i did last semester, First Class Honours can be possible for me, even though i never really thought it was possible. Second Upper will suffice.